805 Saint Cloud Road Bel Air California USA: Dear Friend, You may not know me, however I have happily found you via the means of the internet. My name is William C. Smith, I am 17 years of age and I am calling for your help quite desperately. But please, let me tell you quickly about how my life got flipped and turned upside down, putting me in the desperate situation you find me in today. I was born and raised in the suburbs of West Philadelphia, USA. I spent a lot of my time on my school playground, generally chilling and acting all cool. I also loved to play basketball outside of the school. However one day, whilst doing this, a couple of guys who were up to no good started causing trouble near my house. I got into a large fight, which scared my mother greatly. Because of this, she suggested I move to the quiet town of Bel-Air in California to live with my auntie and uncle. The taxi ride there was long, however the licence plate and comedy dice in it kept me entertained. Upon my arrival, I thanked the taxi driver and settled in with my new family. 4 years have passed since that day, and all has been fine until now. My Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv have recently seperated due to Aunt Viv being unfaithful with Geoffrey the butler. My cousin Carlton has entered the world of narcotic drugs, and the family has collapsed. My mother died last year due to a vitamin C overdose, leaving me genuinely homeless and without family. However, my mother left behind a large sum of money (Approximately $650,000USD) which is currently in the hands of the family lawyer. I can only access this money by paying the $3500 access fees as I am under the age of 18. If you were to help me raise these access fees, I would be happy to compensate you with $150,000USD of the money I have been left. Please, if you can help me out financially then I would be grateful beyond recognition. All I need from you are the following: Full name: Address: Marital status: Tel/Fax number: Once I have these I can then put you in contact with our family barrister, Barrister Jazzy Jeff. He will see you through any legal proceedings that we may need to withdraw the funds, and also confirm to you what needs to be done. He is trustworthy man of God and a good friend of mine. Thanks, and may God bless you. William C Smith
Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER. You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately after unpacking it, and don’t even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L’Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger’s head, by the way.