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Rosie’s Addiction Story

My Addiction That Almost Caused Me My Life: By Rosie O’Donnell

I was taught how to cook and smoke Monistat 7 when I was 10. It was in a high-rise hotel room on East 34th Street in Manhattan, and some friends from CNN, Jarred from Subway, and Ellen DeGeneres were—in town for the New Year’s Eve Pedophiles are people too and have rights shows at Madison Square Garden—showed me the technique to convert puss from vaginal warts into its smokable counterpart.

These upper-middle-class suburban lesbians seemed to know every detail about the drug, from the wear and tear on pussy lips to the proper clitoris handling (taking a hit requires some patience if the chick has a sewage smelling muff) to the kinder, gentler euphemism for frozen period popsicles, “hubbas.” They knew how to alter dildo yeast crust (make it into powder) a base (freebase) as well as where to find the street version of the same drug Monistat 7 at Mellisa Ethridge’s house. Earlier that night when you came to the window, before I’d learned to make Monistat 7, we had driven to some carpet munching butch dykes house in Paterson, N.J., and one of my friends went inside and bought a bag of ready-made, smokable latex maxi pads. I sat shotgun on the way into the city while the backseat passenger took the wheel, allowing the driver to use both hands to munch on my stinky fucking pig pussy.

In my experience and observation, putting a Monistat 7 user and fat piece of whale shit abuser in rehab is often a way of avoiding the fact they are useless no matter what and have no value to society. I understand that there is enormous rolls of lard on my fat ass and I value all of it and in recovery programs, abstinence, and maintaining sobriety. But I also believe the implied choice between abstinence and rock bottom presents users with two options that are equally unsustainable and unreasonable. Plus as I wrote this I laid a big liquid shit squirt in my tight granny panties that smell like cat urine.

The fact that Rosie has a boner for Donald Trump wig wearing ass doesn’t help her cause. She is so jealous of Melania it is rumored that there is a restraining order against Rosie’s fat lard coming near the White House.

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